what if

Sometimes my mind wanders down a path that makes zero sense. Mostly this happens while I swim. I have an hour of uninterrupted time and my mind just has a field day. For the past couple of days, on and off, I've been conjuring on - what if the body's crotch - genitals and elimination tools - were in our arm pits instead of between our legs? Both in one pit or sex in one, poop/pee in the other. How would that affect motion, clothing, plumbing, architecture.

Then, today... what if our noses were the other way around so that the nostrils faced the sky? what kind of screens - nose clothes - would have to be invented to keep crap out and would you drown when you had a cold?

My brother says swimming is boring. He's so wrong.

A caster wheel broke on one of my ottoman (ottomen?) last night. I think they are maybe not built for fat people to sit on a lot when they are on carpet. Happily, it looks like maybe Amazon has the same casters. I ordered a set for $13. We shall see. They will be here today. There are others but it would be nice if these worked perfectly.

I think I might be fighting off a bug of some kind. I've been so sleepy during the day this week. I hate day sleeping so much. I hate to sacrifice the time, plus I don't want to make it hard to get up at 4:30 for swimming. So I just plow through. But, also, it's been harder to breathe. Rather, I'm running out of breath way more easily. I can even tell in the first couple of swimming laps.

Once again - and I probably think this at least once or twice every single day - the life I've created for me is so perfect. I don't have to go anywhere or do anything nor am I expected to for any reason. So this current trouble breathing does not really impact anything adversely. Also I am grateful that I live alone. I don't have to explain or cover up or make any compromises in what I want and how I want to be. I am so very lucky. In every way.

Well, except in my baseball team of choice. The Mariner's glory season is over. It was sweet but really really short. They cannot win or even play well any more. Back to their old tricks. Bummer.

I have sewing projects cut out and ready to do but I'm also really into the crochet project right now. And I haven't forgotten about the tiny rooms. But, I also feel like I need to get out if only for a small errand. Maybe a walk through the Goodwill store to see what's new.

I think I'll get dressed and then decide.


Easter eggs

I have a terrible time keeping eggs in this house. I need condo chickens. I sometimes even buy cartons of 18 and still run out. I'm only one person. What's with all the eggs?? So today I'll likely run up to Grocery Outlet and score some more eggs. And look like an Easter cliche but, hey, there's worth things, right?

Plus, I want mushrooms because I'm going to give ozswede's baked rice recipe.

Amazon usually offers me $1 towards electronic media if I agree to a slower shipping situation. Also, usually, selecting this option results in 1. I get the package within a day or two anyway and I get the $1 credit. So, I nearly always select it. And, if I have a bunch of little stuff to order that I don't care when I get, I might even break up the order into one order each and select the option so that I get a bunch of $1 credits. I recently did just that and, guess what? My slow shipping credit turned into a $5 off Prime Now which is really the sleeves out of Amazon's vest. I rarely use Prime Now because the inventory is so limited and even then the $5 doesn't work for most stuff.

Amazon, you trickster.

But, then. Yesterday, I wanted to ask about eliminating the swiping on my Kindle. I have the ad supported version so I have swipe every time I turn it on. I wanted to make sure that if I paid the extra $20 to turn the ads off, that that would also eliminate the swiping. So I went to contact us and started a chat. I formed my question and got a chat person pretty quickly. The chat person asked for my kindle serial which I provided and then said they'd be back in a minute. It was about 60 seconds. Chat person came back and said they had turned off ads. Anything else I wanted?

Yep. No $20. No swiping. Just 2 minutes of my time.

Amazon, you sweetheart.

My new Costco goggles are a total fail. And so am I. I'm pretty sure I bought the same ones last year and had the same issue. ARUGH! They have two settings - either gauge out my eye sockets or leak. I dug the receipt out of the trash. These suckers are going back. And, sorry, Costco, I know the receipt is a little smelly. My bad.

The imbalance of my life is showing today. I have more clothes than I need for sure. I still have a week's worth of clean every day clothes but my laundry basket is full to overflowing. I need to purge more but I've got too much joy sparking in my closet. Oh well.

The Mariner game is at 3:40 this afternoon. I actually have a ticket. It's the ticket the Mariners gave me for my birthday. The seat is actually not horrible but I think I still might not go anyway. Just because. Or I might. I have several hours to decide.

But, first, laundry. And eggs. I'm out of breakfasts. I think little quiches this time. Eggs, cheese, cream, and maybe sausage crumbles in muffin cups and baked for 20 minutes. Then I can just nuke 'em in the mornings and breakfast is served!


Whiney MacWhinesome

I found a bag I wanted. It was on sale on the maker's website (Baggallini). Their bags are way too expensive and this one was, at the sale price, priced about right. I fought my way through the 'sign up for our newsletter', 'want our credit card?' and 'we'll text you the bag of the day' pop ups and finally got the fucker into the cart.

Then I get yet another pop u p but this one offers me 20% off. With a code and gives me the code. Ok. Then I check google for 'baggallini' codes and find a free shipping one. It works, too. So, the $65 bag cost me $28 with tax and shipping but still I'm pissed. Why do you need to pop up me to death? Why do you need to inflate your prices? Why? Why? And probably, the biggest why... why do your bags make me want to buy them????? It will be here in 7 to 10 business days because I after all that NFW am I giving them $5 to get it by next Monday.

And poor Zillow. In the past month I have purchased 15 pairs of shoes from them. I have returned 14 and the 15th is boxed up and ready for UPS to pick up tomorrow. 12 of those were failed attempts to find shoes to walk in. But the last one was a pair of Skeetcher sandal like things with a covered toe that I really really liked but the first time they were WAY too big. I went down a half size. WAY too big. I sent those back and ordered another half size down. Still too big. But now, about the right length. But, I give up. I tried. Really tried. And I appreciate your patience and your willingness to pay for all my shenanigans and get nothing in return.

I went to Costco. They didn't have the rice I wanted. Wonder if they stopped carrying it? But, I got chicken and other stuff - not that much but my Costco card had expired so I had to re-up. So silly for me to spend that $ every year. As a single person the best I can do is break even. But, I do love their toilet paper and just going there. Oh and I got gas.

Everything is now unpackaged and put away. One of the stuffing servings I made last weekend is thawing as is the cranberry jelly that will have a date tonight with the chicken.

I think I'm going watch more of my clothes from old paintings documentary. But, first I'm going to go find some socks. When did I become the old lady with constantly cold feet???

Here's my current crochet project. I'm really enjoying the doing of it but the end result, not so much. I like the pattern ok but these colors are not me. They are me adjacent but just not me. Oh well.


say what???

This morning while I was swimming I was thinking about the Notre Dame fire. Just random thoughts. Like how the work it will take to figure out how the fire started. Will it be more difficult or less since they didn't flood it with water. But, that it will be more difficult because the whole investigation will have to be done in French.

I've never been able to wrap my brain around speaking/understanding more than one language. And my place to start, of course, is an English speaking base so if someone speaks another language it is, by default a second or third or more language. Yeah, I know better but not intuitively. Language fascinates me but boggles my little pea sized brain.

Yesterday, I was on my way to watch something on Acorn TV and stumbled on a documentary series called A Stitch in Time. Each of the six episodes takes a different classical painting and delves into the clothing worn in the painting and even recreates some of it using the methods of available at the time of the painting. It's really fascinating. I watched three of the episodes yesterday and saved the other three for today.

I really should get out today. Maybe I'll Costco. I could use a chicken and I need butter but mainly I need gas. And a walk. So maybe that's what I'll do. I'll strap on my walking shoes, park by the gas pumps and walk the store, get my stuff and gas up before I leave. Also I could pick up a pizza slice for lunch. I'm liking this idea.


Slow gear

I was fast asleep when the alarm went off this morning. I was actually dreaming about sleeping. So meta. Had I stopped to even question swim or go back to sleep, going back to sleep would have won in a heartbeat. But, I didn't stop to think. I just swam. And it was good. Now, as much as I hate day sleeping, I'm seriously considering a nap.

It's really cold in here this morning. I just looked at the thermostat and it says 52 so, yep, it is cold!

I have nothing on the agenda today. The federal government came and got a big chunk o' change out of my checking account. I have it set up so that money from savings gets automatically transferred every quarter so that it's there when the IRS comes grabbing but it still stings. Especially now that the amount has nearly doubled since Trumps "tax cuts" have gone into effect.

I have the usual things to entertain and fill my day plus, I need to sort out my baseball bag. It was fun to go to yesterday's game and see everyone again. The game, itself, was sorely disappointing. But, we do not have to play Houston again soon.

I need to go put on some clothes or I'm going to freeze to death in this living room!



Today is my first Diamond Club game of the season. I'm quite jazzed. With the Diamond Club tickets you get a lovely buffet (see menu below). They have a magnificent make-your-own Bloody Mary bar. And whatever cocktails or drinks you want. They also provide free food, drinks and snacks delivered to your seats during the game and have a host of other goodies to eat and drink inside the clubhouse where the game is also on TV. It's pretty high falutin' baseball action. And I love it.

The game starts at 1:10 and the special door to get to the Diamond Club opens at 11. I will be there at at 11. It's supposed to be 50's (10's C - see, I'm learning!) and cloudy. So I need to layer up. But I have time yet.

I've been spending lately. Not essential spending. Frivolous spending. And I'd like to curb it. Or at least feel like I'm in control of it and/or it's ok which I do not now. So... I'm going public again. Well, semi public.

I'm going to track every penny and post it here in this journal. mindyklasky convinced me last time to keep the money entries locked to friends only last time. Her most compelling argument was that should someone ever want to have me declared incompetent, my making my finances public would go a long way in helping to prove that my actions are not ordinary. I have a sister I do not trust and it is not a tiny leap to see her pulling this kind of stunt. So... friends locked.

I think on Fridays or maybe Saturdays. I'll post the weekly spending and income. For a while. I haven't decided how long. Last time I did this, I heard from more than a couple of people that my sharing my details helped them organize, understand and tailor theirs more like they wanted. That's sure a bonus. Mainly I just want to hold myself accountable for my accounts! And this is the best way for me to do it.

The leaves on the Tree That I Hate are just now getting obstructive. Bye neighbors. I'll miss you. Catch you in October, k?

The banana bread I made yesterday turned out ok. I made a loaf plus a muffin for testing. The muffin was borderline dry but the loaf is pretty good and not dry at all. I put in too many chocolate chips, tho. Oh well, next time.

Time now to go figure out what I'm going to layer myself up with.


If you need me I'll be in the kitchen

The Mariners lost late last night so I slept late but still managed to get to the pool early. A lot of our schools are still on spring break so a lot of the Saturday usuals weren't there. I had a great swim, made a quick grocery stop to pick up essentials and then home.

I had breakfast, read a bit and then internetted. I am being serenaded right now by the Seattle Sounders Marching band outside the stadium. They have a game at 1. The band plays there and then goes up to the park (a few blocks away) where the fans gather and plays there and leads the parade back to the stadium. It's a whole thing that is really very cool. There is also another parade of chanters. They all come down the street that my terrace overlooks. It's like a party at my house. I'm not a soccer fan but I am a Sounders Pregame fan.

Today's projects are stuffing and banana bread. I have a bunch of chopped up onions and celery that need to be used and some Pepperage Farm stuffing mix. I'll add an egg or two and some broth and maybe mushrooms and mix it all up and freeze in single servings.

And I have 3 overripe bananas plus chocolate chips.

So, why not?!

Then I might just strap on my new shoes and take them out and introduce them to the neighborhood.



For several years now, I have worn one of those rubber bracelets. Mine says Do Not Resuscitate on it. Also my phone, if you turn it on and you are not logged in, it says Susan Dennis (Do Not Resuscitate). And I seriously mean it. Today I learned, reading the memoir by the palliative care doctor, that I need to add Do Not Intubate and even that might not be enough to stop people from trying to save me.

She had a whole chapter on this old guy with no family or friends who was being eaten up by cancer and brought in from the nursing home because he had trouble breathing. He had a blood clot. He had DNR/DNI orders. The chapter was her trying to decide if they should treat him for the blood clot and try to fix it and other issues. WTF????? I was screaming at my Kindle. In the end, she decided to let him be and give him, instead, as peaceful and pain free death as possible. So I'll now keep reading the book.

I get that people don't want to die. I understand that many are afraid to die. That dying is like a sin to some. Nothing worse.

I am not one of those people.

I have had and still have a great life now. BUT I suspect that will change sooner than later. When it does, my preference, by a long shot is to cut my losses and say goodnight. I have zero patience with medical shit. I'm not interested in pain or even much discomfort. I want to spend exactly 0 days in a hospital and less time hooked up to anything. The price of all that is more than I want to pay. If today is the last day of my life, I plan to make sure it's a good one.

This is a soap box I mount often because, so many people feel so differently than I do, I live in fear that when I am down and at the mercy of others, they will inflict their beliefs on me and disregard my wishes and be lauded for their efforts while what I want goes ignored. My brother is my emergency contact and he knows the score and I trust him to make any decisions on my behalf as if I had made them myself. And I've written out my desires in legal documents, on my phone, on my bracelet, here... Clearly having my wishes tattooed on my body is not a helpful solution.

So I just haul out the soap box when the spirit moves. This book moved the spirit this morning.

for want of a shoe... no more!!

I got shoes. UPS delivered the latest order from Zappos. A last ditch - yeah, I know these are ugly but I fucking need shoes I can walk in - order did not fit. I slapped a return label on the box and took it down to the UPS OUT area and took the bus to the running shoe place.

I walked in and plopped my ass down in the first set of customer chairs. "You need some help?" "you have no idea how much!" I told her I wanted shoes I could walk in. I did not tell her and she did not ask about color/style/price. She looked at my feet and brought out a pairs until she hit one that felt just like I knew it should. Even before she tied the laces, I knew we were in biz. And while they were bigger than I wanted and not cool looking, they weren't white and didn't have huge honkin' velcro closures so not all bad. But, she was not satisfied. So we went through two more pairs until she and I were both happy. Then we talked socks and I bought two pair of those. Then we talked insoles and she said no. She said to wear them a bunch first and then come back if I thought I wanted insoles.

"Wanna wear them home?" "Yes ma'm!"

And I did. No bus, just new shews. The clouds that had protected me getting there, were gone and it was hot and the sun was bright and I didn't have any sunglasses with me. (Turns out I did but didn't discover that until I was at my door digging for the front door key.)

When I got home, my feet were tired and glad to get out of the shoes but they were not sore or unhappy at all. No toe cramps. My shins didn't hurt. We're talking winner winner chicken dinner.


I do hate tie shoes but way better than those old lady velcro straps. I'm probably going to try some of those no tie laces.

But, I am supremely happy with my purchase. Oh and the shoes and two pair of ohsofancy socks came to $170 total which I thought was pretty darned reasonable. (The shoes from Zillow cost more and fit less.)

I think I'll read a little before deciding what to do next.