Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis

fat fat the water rat

All my life, I have felt fat. But I was actually not really fat until I hit 50 and gave up smoking and caring about how much I weighed. Then I gained and gained and gained and gained. Swimming definitely kept me from 500 pounds but not did not keep me from gaining.

At the end of March, when I went for my annual checkup, I weighed in at 244. By then I had quit swimming and so quickly saw 250.

Coincidentally and actually, for me, more importantly, I felt it. I felt stuffed and not comfortable. Particularly as I lay in bed at night. Just a blob.

I promised myself when I turned 50, I'd never have to watch what I ate again and I have no plans to give that up. I do not 'eat healthy' and never plan to. If kale passes these lips, it will be when these lips are dead. I eat what tastes good to me. I do not eat what does not. Simple.

BUT, turns out, timing is maybe even more critical. I quit eating dinner. I moved dinner to lunch. At dinner time, I ate maybe a sandwich or maybe a bowl of cereal. I never did get used to a big lunch and I did begin to learn to only eat when I was hungry. I ended up not eating as much. Still eating what I liked. Just not as much.

Now I really do eat when I am hungry and I really do eat less. If I'm hungry for lunch at 10 am, I eat it. More importantly, I've come to be less and less hungry at 'dinner' time and if I'm not hungry, I don't eat.

And, man, do I ever feel better! It's ridiculous how much better I feel.

And I am no longer 250 pounds. This morning, I was 239 and losing. Very very gradually. After decades up decades of caring religiously how much I weighed, I can't not check and can't not be happy about the decline. So I am. I'm really excited to see my cute doctor's face next March. He's been so good and gentle about my being morbidly obese, he'll be delighted.
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