So I called. I was so angry and so frustrated and so not nice to the woman at the other end of the phone. Turns out she's the one who sold me the $100 replacement remote last October that started the whole mess.
She told me to check the one plug. I crawled under the bed as best I could and couldn't see the plug and she kept asking me if it was plugged in and I kept telling her that I couldn't see anything plugged in there and over and over and I was really losing what little of 'it' I had to start with.
She said she had a technician she could send for $180 an hour and a new motor would cost $160 - 'but you could install it yourself, it just takes a philips head screwdriver'. I wanted to suggest she not put a weapon in my hand.
She called the technician who was out on a call and left a message with his wife to have him call me. Then she gave me his number. And we hung up.
I dug out a manual from their limited online collection that at least showed me what plug she was talking about. I finally wedged myself in there under the bed enough to see the plug and pull it out. And then the bed did nothing. There were three slots for plugs and I didn't know which one it came out of but I could only reach one of them. I finally managed to get whatever it was plugged into the one port I could reach.
And... after 6 frustrating months... the fucking bed works again!!! No shit. Really.
I called the technician's wife and canceled his call and then wrote the Leggett and Platt woman an email to tell her I got it working and to apologize for my being such an asshole.
I'm exhausted. But relieved.