Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis

Getting a grip

When you live alone, hermit style, like I do, you petty much have to go without a readily available sanity check.

My Mom once told me that if I never got married, I'd never know, when I left the house, whether or not my slip was showing. Fooled her. I never wear one! But, metaphorically, she's got me.

Today is a fine example. I was so bummed about this breathing thing. I did go to the fabric shop and made it up the stairs but then had to literally stop, hold onto a table and pant my way back to normal breathing. Twice I walked up and down the hall (which is 100 yards, not 300) and back and was out of breath before I got back to my door. I get up to pee and end up sitting on the toilet gasping for breath.

What the fuck am I going to do when my brother and sister-in-law come to visit? How am I going to swim every day? Even if I wanted to go beg the doctor for help, I can't until Tuesday and today is Saturday. Spiral... down...

I sat down and watched a movie and did fine. I got up and walked the hallway and I did not. I sat again and fine. Ok.

I can sit and breath without any problem at all. I can move some and if I go slowly and not too far I can move without having to stop and pant. So it's not like I'm immobile. I know I can get to the car. And from the car back here. So I'll entertain my brother and sister in law vehicularly. If I have to stop at the edge with ever lap I swim, BFD. I'm still in the water which I love. I'm still swimming. If only 30 minutes of it is good, that's 30 fucking minutes of something I love that is good.

So no more crying in my beer. That's just stupid. I've now officially hiked my slip up and I think I'll go pee and then walk the halls one more time before I settle in for either the Crown or Good Behavior... I'll decide when I get back.
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