Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis

Trying to kill myself

The house is so clean but the terrace is a mess. I was kind of waiting for the leak to be fixed but I can't stand to look at it. So I decided to clean it. First, take up the old carpet and then lay down the new.



My not so healthy anyway lungs were having NONE of it. I got half of the carpet up and then could not stop coughing. Hard. There is just too much dust and floating grime collected out there. I quit. I sucked down a couple of tokes off my rescue inhaler and drank a swimming pool of water and just sat and tried to breathe.

As soon as I finished coughing, I fired up Task Rabbit and found a guy who is available tomorrow to come finish the job. I'm supposed to hear in 30 mins whether or not he accepts the job. If he doesn't, there's another service I've been wanting to try so I'll do them.

It's stupid. It will take him, likely, less than an hour to finish. But I'm afraid it I try it, it will be my last hour. Holy fuck. Sorry, lungs. You've been great and I should not have asked you to try this.

My breathing is way better now. I'm just going to enjoy that.
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