Less than a week and BAM tonight she finds his obit! This is the one she found. It has lots of details including stuff about his kids. (All 5 were younger than me but not by that much. The two girls were married and lived in New York. The oldest boy was in and out and the youngest two lived with us kind of. For my wedding present at my request/demand, he got a vasectomy.) I took that info and discovered that is older daughter is in human resources for a credit union in Albany, NY and has a son and daughter (I'm pretty sure she had that son while we were married.) The second daughter is a vice president at a medical center in Houston, TX. His 3 sons are in Vermont, NYC and Endwell, NY - no other clues. They would be between 50-56 now. Lord knows what they are up to.
Then I found this obit in the Charlotte Observer where he worked when we were married.
The first one says it was published in the Observer, too. Both of them make him sound like a great guy. I remember him as being terminally boring - he could (and nearly did) have exactly the same dinner ever night. His socks faced east in the drawer. After I moved out, he had our in ground swimming pool filled in. He played the accordion which he kept in a faux zebra skin bag. He played Lady of Spain and big band music. In front of people who came to our house.
I'm a little disappointed that it mentions none of his wives. His first one - the mother of all those damn kids - died a while back I think. I was #2 and not even the worst. The last time I talked to him, he was trying to get a divorce from #3. North Carolina had this law that you couldn't divorce anyone who was hospitalized for mental illness. So every time he filed, she checked herself into inpatient services. I think there was one after #3 but I'm not positive.
Apparently he died a bachelor.
One not snarky thing I do remember about him was that he was GREAT at obits. I used to hear him on the phone with the dead person's family and he was was so amazingly kind while wringing out details to write about and the resulting piece was always a complete painting of the departed. I think he'd be pretty cool with Dannye's effort. (Lord, I cannot believe she is still working at that paper! She's got to be older than I am.)
Thank you, letmesaythis. You are a good detective!