Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis


At the end of the day, before I get into bed, I often feel like crap. I have aches and pains that usually feel like the beginning of something horrible. I always assume it is the beginning of a heart attack or a stroke or an aneurysm of something or another. Seriously, I really think this. I go to bed and wonder if I'll actually wake up in the morning.

And, then I do. Every morning, so far... in my life. It's really ridiculous but it happens more and more. Last night, I actually debated with myself whether I should go to bed because I was really ready or if I should tidy up the kitchen because while it isn't a horrible mess, there are a couple of dishes soaking and did I want the people finding my body to see that...

I have never been this old before. I have no clue what is due to old age. Or what is due to being fat. Or what is due to living alone for so long and having no one to think about but me. Or what is due to COPD. Or what is due...

I need a what to Expect When You are Expecting ... for old age!

I always do feel better in the morning. And I feel good today! I dreamed about swimming in a large salt water pool. It was cool.

The whole rest of this week and weekend are blank slates on my calendar. Nobody's after me to do anything and I'm caught up on all the stuff I want to get done. Nice. Very nice.

My swim today is at 11. I think it's time for a Papa Murphy's pizza. It's near the pool but doesn't open until 11 so it's really only handy to get on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And since one pizza defines the two or three dinners, it takes some careful planning. All the pepperoni studded stars are aligning for today. Now I just have to decide what kind.

The very definition of privileged first world quandary.
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