Today I listened to music and went to worst case scenarios. The medical tests. For a couple of decades, I avoided all doctors. If I feel fine, then I do not need to know anything else. But a few years ago, I realized that as I got older, having a doctor in my pocket would probably serve me well. It took me a little work but I finally found Dr. Adorable. And I love him. When I got COPD, I was so grateful he was there. And he gets me. I explained early on that I had no tolerance for treatment of invisible things. If I hurt, I want it fixed.
If he wanted to test me for something, it had better be something that needed no or very little treatment. In other words, if he wanted to do a PAP smear and found cancer, my treatment of choice would be hospice. We talked about it for a long time and he asked me questions and we got to a good place. And now, he checks in 'still no mammogram? still no colonoscopy? Ok then. And he respects my wishes.
I do let him do annual blood and urine tests and over the years have passed them all. But, I realized when swimming today that if, this time, there was a problem, I had not prepared myself. So I thought about all the horrible things and how I would handle them. And then I thought about the likely thing - diabetes - and how I would handle it.
And then I thought of some more worst cases. What if my brother dies? What if I broke a hip? And then I wandered around how I would handle those kinds of things.
And then I got to the end of my mile and got out. It was a productive swim - gruesome but productive. I felt better.
And I got home and the test results were in. (GOD, do I love that he sends them to me ahead of time!!!) Everything is cool. I am still perilously close to diabetes but am not there yet. That's the same result as all other years. So whew. And yeah.
Now I can relax and go to the appointment tomorrow pretty stress free. Nice.