Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis

Still amazing

I have not had a job for 17 months.  Every day is the same.  Nothing controls my time or deeds.   I would have thought that all the days would feel the same but they really really do not.

This morning I woke up with the absolutely delicious feeling the freedom from everyday things that a holiday brings.  WTF?  Everyday in my life now has the freedom from everyday things.  So why in the heck does a day like today feel so differently?

I have no answer.  But that doesn't stop me from enjoying the heck out of.  I think it's kind of neat that for whatever reason, there are some days that are still feel special.

The only thing on today's agenda is a breakfast date.  After that, I have no plans but will likely come on home and knit and watch TV.

Holidays - particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas - were great growing up.  The years we lived in New York City, Daddy and I never missed a Macy's Parade.  Usually no one else wanted to go so it would just be the two of us and it was great.  We had a small family - my extended family was sparse and never geographically close and they had their own thing.  But the five of us were always together.  And we had good holidays.

I got married in my early 30's and it was very short lived and a disaster that was somehow exacerbated by holidays. So when I got divorced - the decision was made on Superbowl Sunday - I gave myself some special presents. I bought myself a condo, with a waterbed and a personal computer (an IBM PCjr) and granted myself permission to also divorce myself from family holidays.  Over the next couple of decades, I rediscovered the joy of holidays - on my own terms - often by myself - never again with family. When Daddy died, I started flying across the country to be with Mom on Thanksgiving and I did that from 2000-2005 when she died.

I like my holidays now. I like the control. I like the peace and the freedom from drama.  I am so very thankful to be able to spend my days they way I want to.
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