Susan Dennis (susandennis) wrote,
Susan Dennis

Marking off days... stop it!!

I've always thought marking days off a calendar - literally or figuratively was such a sad waste of days.  I appreciate the value of anticipation but I, personally, like to wallow in the anticipation and stretch it out and enjoy it.  (I just realized how orgasmic this sounds and I think that's really a very fair and kind of amazing analogy.)

I remember when I was a kid - probably 12ish and at a slumber party on a Friday night.  We were all looking forward to sleeping in very late on Saturday morning when my friend Ann Parrish allowed as how she hated to waste time sleeping on a Saturday.  "It's the best day of the week, why in the world would I want to waste a minute of it being unconscious???"

It there is one single phrase or idea that has guided my life the most, that has to be it. Literally and figuratively. I don't even sleep late.  If I'm still asleep any day of my life after 9 am - heck, after 8... check my pulse.

But, mainly I've worked very hard to savor every day.  I'm now past my sell by date.  If I died today, no one would think I died too young (well, my friends in their 70s and 80s might think it briefly but then, probably, forget as fast).  So now that there are few of them to come,  wasting a day becomes even more odious.

And yet, even in my current Very Little Happens life, it's hard.  I'm waiting on stuff for little things and big. I want to change the billing date on my Discover card but I can't do that until October.  Is it October yet?  That thing I ordered comes tomorrow, is it tomorrow yet?  Verizon won't send me my final bill until next week and I want to settle it now.

I have been keeping a tab open on my computer that has my calendar.  I have not been marking the days off physically but I realized this morning that I've been spending way too much time focused on stuff that will happen in the future, next week... tomorrow... Being aware is ok.  Being focused on it steals precious focus from today.  I'm closing the tab.

What if I die this afternoon?  Will I have made the most out of this morning?  Or will I have wasted this morning worrying about now will never happen for me next week?

Now how about them for some deep thoughts????

FYI, my Gentleman Neighbor Across The Way did not come home before I went to bed at 10 pm last night.  This does not bode well.  Nights are when I get the best look in. If he's not there with the lights on, that whole thing goes right out the window.  I'm worried.

I watched the hour long season opener of How I Met Your Mother.  It's their last season and I think ending it is a wise move.  I'm not sure I care any more.

The pool does not open until 11 today.  I'm ready.  Also there are holds waiting for me at the library.

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