June 14th, 2020


Today's the big venture out. I need more fabric like I need a hole in the head. I don't even have anything I want to sew. I made three summer shirt last winter that I haven't even worn yet. But I do so love recycled fabric. I love the serendipity of it. The joy of finding the perfect piece and not having enough of it so having to find a companion piece. And... $2 a yard. I can't not do it.

Plus, this place Seattle Recreative has fabric sales a few times a year BUT they are always chaotic. This will be 2 of us shopping for a limited time in a very controlled environment. I can't not do it.

I was thinking this morning on my walk about having my house cleaner back. I'm so torn between wanting a clean house and not wanting her in here. No one has been in this house but me for 3.5 months. It feels so safe. But the bubble has to be popped sometime. My current thinking is that I will just not be here. I have no idea where I'll go but I can chill out in the car somewhere. That's a week and a half away and I'm surprised about how stressed I am about it. I need to get over myself.

After my fabric shopping, I'll go pick up my groceries. This, I am excited about. I ordered chinese last night from a new (to me) place. It had lots of good reviews. I ordered 3 things. The egg rolls were inedible. The mongolian beef was struggling to get to meh. And the pork ribs were chopped tiny so each bitsized piece had a bone in it waiting to break a tooth. And they were just covered in a syrup that was more honey than soy sauce. I ate enough to fill me and there is plenty left, but I think it's going to the dumpster. I don't need to be eating calories that aren't delicious.

Yesterday when the robot vacuum cleaner came back to base, it was missing one of its side brushes. This happens, they snap off. I have spares. And the missing ones turn up eventually.

Sure enough, last night in the middle of the night, Biggie hopped on the bed with his new toy! The missing brush. Thanks, dude.

New things from my walk this morning:

These little bouquets have sprung up from the building where my boyfriend works.




And, we have a new mural in the making. Oddly, it on the boards of a shop that only boarded up after the first night of protest riots and, also, last week, with windows still boarded, posted a note on the front door that they are now open again - limited hours. And today, with the new mural was a paper note saying We Are Open. It's a place that sells very high end motorcycle wear.


Time to hop in the shower. Don't want to shop dirty!

I am an idiot, anyone need celery and thoughts

The email said my appointment was at 10:20 and to arrive a few minutes early. I got there at 10:15. At 10:20 I knocked on the door. No answer. I called. Voicemail. I read the email again all the way to the end where it said 'See you Saturday!' Fuck. Only 24 hours late. I sat in the car and wrote an apology email about how embarrassed I was.

And then made my way leisurely to the grocery store.

Seattle is really so pretty. Today it is bright and cool and covered by the fluffiest clouds in the bluest sky. If I were visiting here today, my overwhelming thought would be 'how in the world can I arrange my life so I can live here.'

Other thoughts. I'm ok with missing the fabric sale. I don't need fabrics. And I'm not sure I'm ready for the risk.

If I get Covid-19, I will die. My lungs now only operate at 60% of capacity for someone my age and size. And I refused to be intubated. So buh bye.

So, what risks would be worth it? If I got it and died, what would I think back and say, well, that was stupid? Or worth it.

I have at least one LJ friend who quarantines packages she receives for 3 days. I'm not doing that and don't plan to. But other things? I've got no interest in living forever. I've had a great life and I'm not freaked out by the idea of dying. Each risk carries it's own vote.

Swimming. If there was a pool open, I'd go in a heartbeat without thinking twice. I'm perfectly fine dying from swimming. Buying fabric I don't need? Getting the house cleaned (and letting Amira actually work - I'm paying her but I do feel guilty)? I don't know yet. Maybe soon. Maybe not. As long as I can order on line and pick up groceries, I got no reason to go to a store. For now, I'm happy at home. Living one risk at a time.

I have groceries now. I wanted a couple of stalks of celery. I have a couple of dozen. Holy crap. Small price to pay for the convenience and safety of online ordering. But holy moly. Maybe some macaroni salad. Maybe some potato salad. Maybe some chicken salad. Celery soup? no.

And, finally, another Sunday paper. The tree type. I'd forgotten. But it was there when I went out for my walk. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of it this morning. So much so that I might just have to keep this subscription after the special ends. At least for a little bit.

Oh Wait! One more thing. While I was waiting for my groceries to come out of the store, I saw a guy - older guy - ride down the block and into the store on this:

It looked very cool and fun to ride. Google led me right to the web page of the The Alinker Walking Bike. Pricey devil and it looks very tedious to break down for storage but also very fun.