April 29th, 2019

Aimless

One of the people on my friends list this morning had an entry about not being motivated or driven to a goal or even finding a goal that suited to drive to. And, boy, can I relate. I ended up having a fantastic life and getting to do amazing things - particularly in my jobs but, honestly, it was pretty much all by accident. I, too, was always looking for that goal, that one thing to work towards and accomplish. I never found it. But, still managed to cobble together a nice life.

But, now, I' repeating the same pattern in retirement. I'm aimless and looking for direction. My crocheting is a great real life example and a tidy metaphor. I see a pattern I love and give it a start. And then get to a point where I'm no longer interested. And, often, that point is not a finished object. My current project, I do not like. I then decided to morph it into something else. And I was on that path for nearly a day. Until today, when I found a new pattern that I like so much better and I want to start now. And I probably will.

Soooo no direction meets shiny object. My retirement is like the dog in the movie Up. SQUIRREL!!!!!

But, at least for me and for now, it really does not matter one tiny bit. Who the hell cares if I finish a crochet pattern or not? I'm not even wasting much yarn. I rip out and reuse. I might better use my time volunteering to help someone or some group but, honestly, that's not my forte and unless something comes along to grab my interest, forcing it just wouldn't be good for the helpee or me. So, here I be. Buzzing from one thing to another. With no aim. But, sincerely grateful to have the finances, the freedom, the time and the health to be able to and to enjoy it.

I did enjoy my swim today. A couple of days ago someone turned on the lights under the water at the pool. They were on years ago when the gym first opened but haven't been since. It's great fun. My friend, Matt, loves it because even with his limited vision, he now has no chance of running into the wall. I love it because it's sparkly without glare.

No gym pool tomorrow. Maintenance. I may or may not go up to the city pool on the other side of downtown. I think I might not even decide until tomorrow morning. No pool for me Wednesday because tomorrow night is a Mariner game and I am not leaving early for any reason.

I may take a walk up the street to the fabric shop to see what they have in the way of nice crochet hooks. I'd like to find a more ergonomically comfortable one than the ones I have on hand. Otherwise my day is going to package receipts. Besides USPS, UPS and FedEx, Amazon is also delivering, via their own delivery system, my two subscribe and save items today. It's Christmas in April!

I also have tons of TV that needs to be watched. I have lots of leftovers on TiVo. Plus Bosch has a new season on Amazon and soon the entire The Good Fight will be available on CBS All Access and Line of Duty's new season starts in two weeks. And that doesn't count all the stuff I've forgotten but is waiting on some watchlist or another. All in all the more reason for more crochet.

But, first, I need to hang up my wet suit and maybe get dressed.

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