September 9th, 2016


Growing up in the 50's and 60's in North Carolina, there was not a lot of food variety. I never heard of pizza until I went to college. I thought all Asian food was chop suey. I knew about Mexican food because I had relatives in Texas and Oklahoma that we used to visit. But, we did not have any of it in North Carolina and, therefore, it was exotic.

But, the most exotic were avocados. I loved them and they were rare as cultured pearls. I actually never lived anywhere where avocados were even routinely available until I moved to northern California in the late 80's. I finally could buy as many as I wanted any time I wanted and most were even ripe or close to it. I was in heaven. But, even then, they were pricey and still kind of are so I don't buy them always.

Grocery Outlet nearly always has them on sale 2 or 3 for $1. And I cannot resist. Yesterday was not only 2 for $1 but the bin had both ripe today, and ripe later. So this morning I had avocado in my breakfast burrito... YUMMMMMM.

I just got a text from the post office. My replacement Pebble is coming today instead of tomorrow! Sweet. And we have a new carrier who's been dropping our mail before 11 am every day which is kinda fun.

And... speaking of mailing or not mailing.... I did not mail the check to the mortgage company. I sent the money via my bank who reported Wednesday that the check was delivered. (An event trail was a very good reason for using the bank instead of just dropping it into the mail.) But, CitiMortgage has yet to cash the check. The money is still in my account. So this will be my stress into next week. I'm sure it will all work out but what a PIA.

The Seahawks play across the street on Sunday. I'm not at football fan at all and I'm really not a fan of football fans. They are loud and drunk and dirty and leave the area in a shambles of trash and bodily fluids/solids. Especially when the team is winning. It seems so mean to hope they have a losing season but, honestly... They were here first and I need to buck up and know that this, too, will pass.

I do need to remember to hustle on home Sunday after my swim and get the car safely into the garage before it gets really bad.

I should have donated my soapbox to Goodwill

In my old age, I've tried to give up rants and soapbox ravings but Suicide Prevention is screaming for my help. Yes, it's good to help people who are depressed and/or really and truly are not able to manage their own mental health issues and so might appreciate someone stepping in and interrupting their own decision.

BUT NOT EVERYONE!! My life if my own. If I chose to take it, to end it, to commit suicide, that is my right and my privilege and NO ONE'S BUSINESS but my own. Suicide Prevention assumes I am incapable of making decisions on my behalf which is not one single bit true.

It pisses me off no end to read these diatribes that assume all suicides MUST BE PREVENTED. And that everyone's business is their own. Not not not.

The only evidence that prevention is a good thing is from people who screw up their attempt. No one ever interviews, talks to, hears from, gets data from the people who were successful in their endeavor to end their life. Until we hear their side, I think it's massively offensive to presume we know their feelings on the subject.

Yes, my family knows and understands my feeling. If they discover that I am dead by my own hand tomorrow, they will know it was something I thought through thoroughly and decided with my fully capable brain.

I can conceive of a dozen situations that would convince me to end my life. It's not a horrible thing to me at all. I have had a great life. Why live in pain - mental or physical - if I don't want to? Why take up a carbon footprint when I don't want to?

The point is, that it's my decision and no one - not one single other person on the face of this earth - else's.**

** One exception. If somehow the decision is out of my hands and I am on life support, my brother is under strict instructions to yank that fucking cord immediately. Still, that's my decision, isn't it.

I got snagged by a couple of blog posts on Suicide Prevention because the mail carrier who has been here before lunch everyday for the past month is not here yet... 2 p.m. I want my Pebble. And they are also delivery a mini SD card for my new little Windows computer. And I'm just waiting waiting waiting.

How about some dolls?

The magic of electronics

Tonight I am really rich. CitiMortgage says my mortgage is $0 and there is $1,200 in escrow (which they will send me sometime this month). AND the payoff money is still in my credit union account.

Call George Castanza cause I'm totally double dipping!!


In other news it is a little warm in here tonight but I'm using the fan and not the a/c. I'm seriously thinking about putting the air conditioner away on Sunday. Maybe.